Cancellation Policy

Everyone has to cancel. We call in sick to work when we aren't. We oversleep and then blame traffic for our lateness. We might even blame our kids for a certain unavailability we might have. What seems to be more rare is canceling social engagements. Those are the appointments we want to keep at all costs. We want to be able to spend time with our friends, unwind a bit. Well, I have a friend who has a chronic habit of blowing off social engagements. I've watched this behavior for years, luckily never being on the receiving end myself (at least until recently). The excuses given to the disappointed parties have always involved the usual suspects I mentioned earlier: kids, illness, conflicts, etc. But I have often witnessed that while the excuses seem benign by themselves, there is a certain element of disregard or even dislike of the individuals getting the blow off. Sometimes this ill will is temporary, more related to my friend's tendency to waver between hot and cold with certain relationships, but I can't help feeling sorry for the people who are just no longer considered friends. They walk around in oblivious ignorance, never knowing that my friend really isn't too sick to see them. They are simply disliked. And while I understand that no one wants to waste what little free time we all have with someone we dislike, I think it might be bordering on cruel to not be honest with the people around you. Yes, cruel seems like a strong word, but I guess I have such a strong reaction because I now find myself on the receiving end of this particular friend's strange cancellation policy. After hearing the anger and dislike directed toward others who have been canceled on, I can't help but feel incredibly hurt and rejected. I have been assured that this cancellation is a unique case and in no way personal, but historical experience has taught me otherwise. Upon a serious conversation about this particular cancellation, I was told that everyone cancels all the time. Canceling is part of life and to take is personally would lead to many instances of disappointment. Yet, I have never once canceled on someone in this manner. I have never made up a fake excuse to get out of a promised event. If I'm not interested in seeing someone because I truly don't want to be friends with them, I don't make plans with them to begin with. Am I really that unique? Is everyone really walking around making plans they have no intention of keeping? Well, I certainly refuse to conform to the norm is that's what it is. My sense of integrity is too strong, and my respect for those around me (even those I don't particularly like) is too sound. So, just know that if I ever cancel on you, it's because I really am sick. Chicken soup is welcome.